Roger Clemens

Wow! What a week it's been in Washington. What a relief the Nationals must be feeling, on their way down south to spring training, to get away from baseball's, and for that matter all of sports' darkest cloud.

After Andy Pettite's affidavit, Roger Clemens' testimony, McNamee's rebuttal, Clemens' rebuttal, and so on, one thing is for sure: someone is lying. One thing I'm pretty sure of is that Andy Pettite is telling the truth. Like real men should do, he came clean and admitted to using HGH, or whatever he used. Other players such as Brian Roberts also told he truth. It doesn't make sense that Pettite would be lying. In this day and age, why would someone lie by saying they did use steroids. That right there is why I trust Pettite.

I don't trust Clemens. Sure, Brian McNamee isn't the most upstanding citizen but my final evaluation of Clemens is that he's a slime ball. The first time he left New York he gave the New York fans what was supposed to be this heartfelt speech of how it was so great to play in New York, this is the perfect way to end my career, blah blah blah. He later signed a contract with the Astros. Wait a minute, I thought he wanted to go out in New York. I know, he's from Texas, family guy and all that, but hopping ship like that in sports translates to cheating on your girlfriend. You just don't do it.

Then, to top it all off, he decided to come back to New York in classic fashion. It was announced at Yankee Stadium like it was the second coming of Jesus Christ himself. A Yankee fan, at first I was like: "Oh great, we're getting Clemens. He's a good pitcher." Then I thought about it for a minute... I shortly changed my mind: "What an a-hole. He ditched us before, and now he wants to come back and act like everything is all cool? In the middle of the season no less?" Seriously, who is allowed to just come out of retirement in the middle of a season and join a random team of his choice? Apparently Clemens.

That's one reason why I don't trust Clemens. Here's another. He did what Bonds did by getting better at the point in his career when a player is past his prime and isn't supposed to get better. He's a workout machine, and when he was on his way out of Boston he was looking a little fat. How else do you transform yourself into what he became between Toronto and New York? I'm sorry, but steroids is the only way. Like Bonds, but not quite to the same degree, Clemens got significantly bigger over that period when he was likely juicing. I gotta say though, in my mind, Clemens and Bonds are still first-ballot Hall of Famers, and here's why: Bonds won seven NL MVP awards, three of which he did prior to juicing, and Clemens cashed in on at least two of his Cy Youngs before he hit the drugs. That can't be taken away from them. Clemens is still the best pitcher of this era, and Bonds is the best home-run hitter.

Here's another reason why I don't trust Clemens: My dad recently read the book Game of Shadows, and after reading it told me that he finds it extremely difficult and near impossible to believe these athletes when they deny using steroids. Evidently the book talks about how they are told to simply deny, deny, deny. I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt, but just because an athlete denies something does not mean he/she is telling the truth. Marion Jones anyone?

While I'm on the topic of issues I've discussed with my dad, I'd like to make another point. It's really his point, but I'd have to agree with it. Last summer I was reading the New York Times in the car and I told him about this article about a Japanese legislator who committed suicide by means of hanging himself. Evidently there was some scandal that he was definitely going to get busted for, and when they hadn't heard from him for a day or two they went to his house and found him hanging, dead. The first point my dad made, which is totally unrelated to this column is that hanging yourself is the most painful and brutal way to kill yourself. You basically choke to death because it's unlike a traditional hanging, where one drops and dies from the snap of the neck. The second point he made is that he really wishes American politicians would follow suit and kill themselves whenever they're caught in scandal and whatnot. It sounds sick but think of all the money and time we waste having hearings, and they deny, lie, and are often found to be guilty. It would save a lot of time, taxpayers money, and decency if politicians and even athletes would either just come clean and face the music, resign and never be heard from again, or, for the extremists, commit suicide.

Some random thoughts: Pedro Martinez didn't do anything wrong by cockfighting in a country where it's traditional and legal. Bill Simmons thinks Shaq will work in Phoenix and I agree. And how about the All Star game? The East won, and the dunk competition was finally good again. Finally, NBC will in all likelihood cancel Friday Night Lights, the best show on television since Seinfeld. RIP FNL!